Workings mums, busy mums, spread too thin mums, at home mums.
I remember the first time I had mum guilt and it was….. the first month of having a baby. I expressed, fed him and went for a meal with just the hubby. We pulled away from our home and I was almost ready to cry, picturing my new born crying the whole time I’m out!! Rushing my meal and having visions of him screaming- called my mum in law when we got to the restaurant, before our food arrived and once we had eaten! I couldn’t wait to get home to see him. Just to find him relaxing in his granny’s arms. This is the first…… mum guilt moment!
Do you remember your first #mumguiltmoment?
Maternity leave is over and I thought I’d dealt with the worst…. but no!! The worse was coming……I thought I’m ready for work- need to get out the house and feel like me again, want to remember what it’s like when your in control and doing what you do best!!?? So luckily for me hubby took my little one to nursery on the first day…. so I just had to get through the day….on the phone to him until he was outside the nursery and after that point I waited outside my work until I got a call back…. waiting in the cold imaging what’s happening and reminding myself…. why I’m doing this. “Shabeena you worked so hard to get to this position, work need you, this is your career, when your kids are older you still need your career after that point, you love your job!” rationalising all these points didn’t mean anything because all I could see was that cute little face!!! And thinking- I love my baby more than this job…. obviously!! Later than day I learnt that my baby boy had been crying for “some of the day” – my heart sank and looking through work emails was pointless!! I couldn’t see them- my eyes stinging because of the guilt!!! #momguilt
This is the day I felt like a monster!! How could I be so selfish. Were the elders right? Should I really be coming back to work? Other mums do this as well? Am I the only one?
So I spoke to my colleague Vicky W. Successful career women, wife and mum of three! “Shabeena, this feeling is with you forever now!”
I feel guilty all the time!!! I feel guilty for not seeing my kids,
I feel guilty for calling in sick for work when the kids aren’t well,
I feel guilty for not working hard enough at work because I don’t have time to work late
I feel guilty for not spending time with the hubby
I feel guilty that I can’t pick my kids up from school everyday
I feel guilty that I make them quick meals because I don’t have time to make a wholesome meal
I feel guilty when I forget important dates for school activities and important for work
I feel guilty ALL THE TIME!! You will feel like your a rubbish mum, rubbish employee, rubbish wife, friend, colleague, daughter- everything!!!
And you just learn to deal with it” (tough love advice from Vicky was actually very comforting!!)
WOW!!! Really!!! This is my life now!!! How do we get past this?? Well ladies the reality is- we can’t. Our Biological instinct we want to nurture our babies!!! But unfortunately life gets in the way.
Women should empower other women!! If you know a friend or colleague dealing with mum guilt let her know- she’s not alone!!! When you see a new mum holding her tears back on her first day at work (like me)…. give her a hug!! Mum guilt moment doesn’t mean you love your children any less!!! It means that you want to be a happier mum and not lose your identity! You are allowed to be you!! It’s unconditional love from mum and baby so ladies stop being so hard on yourself!! #mumguilt